TouchStone for giving (The Story of Us Trilogy) Read online

  I wait.

  He takes a couple of seconds to consider his answer. “I don’t think so,” he confesses honestly,

  chilling me to the bone. “I had to know the truth. I’m sorry.”

  “Me too. If I’d thought for one minute you finding out about an innocent lie would drive you to

  that, I wouldn’t have told it. But I did and look what happened.” I shake my head from left to right,

  still coming to terms with the outcome.

  “You did if for the right reasons, but Jay, he should have known better … I’ll set him straight when

  I see him.” He scowls and purses his lips angrily. “He told me about his other impromptu visit.” His

  jaw clenches at the thought. “I know why he came here. He told me he tried to buy you off and you

  told him, in no uncertain terms, what to do with his money.” He pauses to consider his words

  carefully. “I don’t like it when people go behind my back …”

  I’ve heard enough. I fix him with a serious stare. “… People! Jake isn’t people Ayden, he’s like

  family to you. It took a lot for him to come here, to face me like he did.”

  “It was business Beth.”

  “Bullshit!”

  “Excuse me …”

  “You heard. When are you going to let people who care about you do just that Ayden? When?”

  He looks ahead dejectedly, unwilling or unable to meet my eyes. “I don’t know the answer to that

  Beth.”

  “I do. It’s right now. Don’t be hard on him Ayden, he needs you out there and you’ve been working

  part time on a fulltime project …

  He’s flinching. “Did he tell you that?”

  “No, but I’ve got eyes. You’ve been dealing with serious problems at night when you should have

  been sleeping, rather than leave me during the day. But that’s one of the reasons I lied. To get you

  back to work, to wean you off me. It’s time to hand you back.”

  He sneers ruefully. “It’s been a while since I heard that …”

  I realise the implications of my words, I’ve unwittingly stumbled across another emotional scar. I

  watch him drift off to a distant place where rejection cuts into him, leaving an open wound.

  “I lost count of the times I was handed back. I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. They said I was

  unlovable.”

  I swallow hard and hold back tears. What kind of monster would say such a thing to a child? “Well

  they were wrong Ayden.” I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck. “I won’t lie to you

  ever again, you’ll get 100% honesty from me and I expect it in return. That’s fair isn’t it?”

  “Totally.”

  I lower myself so my feet are flat on the carpet and begin arranging his T-shirt and his hair. “So, I

  want you to leave me now and go back to your bachelor pad and pack. No argument.” I brush away the

  streaks from his cheeks with the tips of my fingers. “Take the next flight out to Hong Kong, sleep on

  the plane and go be my Mr. P. Are you alright with that?”

  “No, but I’ll go because you ask me to,” he concedes, scraping my hair back off my face and

  brushing my cheek with his thumbs.

  “Good. Then go.” Reluctantly, I drop my hands from his chest and hand him his sweater from the

  floor.

  He manages to construct an amiable smile. “You can throw me out, but you know I’ll just come

  back.”

  “I’m counting on it,” I answer, trying to rediscover some of the light-heartedness we love so much.

  “… but I’d rather stay here with you.” He’s still shaken and unsure of himself.

  I raise an eyebrow. “And I’d rather you were here too, but your mistress needs you now and we both

  can be very demanding. I’ll keep myself busy, don’t worry.”

  “I’ll try not to, but call me okay, if anything, I mean anything, happens or even if you want to talk.”

  The warmth is returning to his face and I sense he’s finding his feet. “Remember, if you catch me in a

  meeting, you’ll probably be on speaker phone. I’m just saying ...”

  “Message understood.” He’s recalling our phone sex and so am I. That shared memory prompts two

  weak smiles.

  But that much needed smile fades too quickly, “Everything I’ve ever done, all my achievements

  pale into insignificance compared to you. You’re my only true asset. If I don’t have you, then it’s all

  been a fucking waste of time.”

  He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me so tightly I can feel his heart vibrating against

  my shoulder. I want to absolve him of his sins, but we both have to learn from our mistakes or all this

  heartache has been for nothing.

  I break free. "See how special you are Ayden, when you speak from the heart?” I reach up to kiss

  him and he tilts his head to meet me halfway. “How could I not love you?”

  He steps back to take a last look. “I love you more.”

  Now this really does feel like goodbye.

  Walking and pulling on his sweater, he moves purposely from the centre of the room towards the

  door, side stepping my cases. I follow closely behind, collecting the discarded belt off the floor and

  handing it to him. I want to reach out, but doing so now would break his resolve. Instead I pull down

  his sweater and flatten it against his firm back, making sure I only rest my hand there for a split

  second struck by an impetuous thought. In this moment of candour, I have to test his willingness to be

  truthful.

  “Ayden …” He turns to face me, expressionless, pensive. “When we went out for the first time, to

  the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet, you said you had a proposition for me, remember?”

  A ghost of a smile appears. “Yes.”

  “And you thought long and hard about it, even seemed to struggle with it, but you said you wanted

  to be my submissive, remember that?”

  He senses what is coming and the smile fades. “I do.”

  I rest my hand on his heart for some reason, seeking total honesty. “But that’s not what you were

  planning to say, was it?”

  His eyes flicker nervously as he prepares to speak. “I … I changed my mind …”

  “… at the last minute.”

  “Yes, at the last minute.”

  “Why?”

  He takes my face in his hands, making me feel like a rose bud about to open on the first day of

  spring. “Because, when I looked into your eyes, I was swept away. I knew I would do anything to keep

  you. I had to behave differently with you.” He falters. “I… I wanted you to love me.”

  A surge of pain finds its way to my heart. I pull my palms to my breasts; beneath them a once

  frozen heart melts and a trickle of sheer adoration finds its way through every aching cell. “And I do”

  His lip quivers a little. “Thank you.”

  I cannot contain my tears; they are rolling down my face and dripping off my chin like raindrops.

  “You’re welcome.”

  After what feels like a lifetime, he kisses me through salty tears then stops, allowing our foreheads

  to touch, giving us the time we need to let go. “I can’t go to Hong Kong Beth.”

  What!

  “Why? We’re good Ayden, everything’s okay between us. I promise … I’ll be right here waiting for

  you.”

  His hand brushes over my hair. “I’m glad about that, but the reason I can’t go is because you have

  my passport.” He gives me one of his gotcha smiles and my voice dissolves into nervous laughter.

&nbs
p; “Right. I’ll go get it. It’s in my bag.” I pull away and head over to the breakfast table, checking the

  photos.

  “You could still come with me.” He slips it into the back pocket of his jeans.

  Silently I shake my head, leaving him to walk alone towards the front door, much too sluggishly.

  It’s as if he can’t bear to turn around, as if actually saying goodbye is excruciatingly painful. He

  hesitates then turns slowly to meet my flat smile. Only then do I grasp the magnitude of his love and

  his overpowering loneliness. It hits me: I should be going with him, he needs me. I need him.

  “Ayden ... I have something quite important to tell you.”

  His face is full of anticipation, holding onto the tiniest possibility that I’ll change my mind. He’s

  motionless then fearful suddenly of what I’m about to say, biting his lip. I reach up to him and hold

  his perfect face in my hands. “This is the last time you’ll be going anywhere on your own, so enjoy

  your freedom. Like it or not, you’ve got yourself a very possessive fiancé.”

  His head tips to the right and the look of love sweeps across his face like a transparent mask.

  “What’s not to like? I’m so ready to be possessed by you.”

  Unlike any other man on the planet, his feelings are revealed for all to see in the colour of his eyes;

  emerald green for happiness, teal for turned-on and his signature, sapphire blue for pure lust. I live to

  see the night sky in his eyes because then, and only then, I know he’s looking at me.

  Right here, right now, they are the brightest, iridescent green; filled with pure delight and glossy

  with tears. I am awe-struck. Even the skin above his cheekbones creases slightly to accommodate the

  broadest of smiles, leaving little room for doubt; he’s overjoyed at the prospect of not having to fight

  his battles single-handedly ever again. For what it’s worth, he will have me by his side.

  “I’ll text you when I land ...”

  What a relief to see him so vibrant, so invigorated. My words have given him the strength to carry

  on, safe in the knowledge it will only be a matter of time until we become inseparable.

  “Remember I’ll be seven hours in front, just in case you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  He kisses me softly, deliberately, no tongue, no breathless sigh, simple reverence and it’s the

  perfect way to say goodbye.

  “Bye Ayden. Have a safe flight.”

  “I will, bye.”

  He bounds off down the path to the waiting Rolls, not stopping to wave or for a farewell glance: his

  company beckons and she isn’t one to be kept waiting.

  2

  Even before Ayden’s Rolls becomes a fading streak of silver, I miss him. It’s not an actual pain, as

  such, but it’s a kind of dull ache that will stay with me every minute of every day, like the aftermath

  of a monumental migraine. The silence of my apartment is crushing down on me with the weight of a

  thousand solitary nights. Just me and my music; what a lonesome couple we have been.

  I drag my case past the sofa and into my bedroom, catching the scent of something unpleasant:

  cigarettes maybe? The door pushes back and bangs against the wall with a thud. I take a look at the

  damage caused by a sturdy bolt.

  That wasn’t there when I left ...

  On the other side of my bedroom window I catch sight of leaves bundled together in piles whipped

  up by autumn winds, but the view is obscured by the wrought iron grilling that matches every other

  window. I laugh to myself; when Ayden talks of security he means it. Having said that, I’m not

  entirely convinced about the grilling, as decorative as it is. Is it there to keep would-be intruders out or

  to keep me in?

  The downside: I feel imprisoned in my own home. The upside: I feel safe. So, they’ll stay put for

  now.

  My bathroom light flickers into life and I instinctively reach for the cold water tap, eager to feel a

  refreshing splash of water on a face still dappled with dried tears. I pat it with a towel and look about

  the small space. How empty it seems minus my cosmetics and favourite perfumes; how very plain it is

  compared to the splendour of our 5* hotel suite. Even this towel lacks the crisp freshness of hotel

  linen. I toss it into the wash basket standing by the door. Not in its usual position but a little to the left.

  I must have moved it. Who knows what I did in my eagerness to prepare myself for Rome?

  On the kitchen table, there’s a manual for the alarm; it’s twenty pages of diagrams and step by step

  instructions, allowing me to select and deselect zones etcetera. I’ll keep it by my bedside. It’s the

  perfect cure for insomnia.

  The contents of the fridge are equally as uninspiring, hardly a range of healthy options: a withered

  bag of salad and a couple of tomatoes, a tub of butter and out-of-date yoghurt. Not the fine dining I’ve

  become accustomed to. I take a loaf, some bacon and a plastic container full to the brim with Chinese

  food out of the freezer. At least I won’t starve.

  I switch on the heating, the kettle and my iPod deck before sitting down, considering what to do

  first. It’s been a while since I had to make a conscious decision to do anything. Being whisked off to a

  European destination, eating out, sleeping in … you appreciate it more when it’s yesterday’s news.

  The idea of news has curiosity coursing through my veins. What about the press release? I made

  such a fuss about it at the time but now, just the thought of it fills my stomach with soaring butterflies

  and causes my smile to widen at the prospect of telling the world about our secret affair. What will

  they say at school? More to the point, what will Charlie say?

  I have to call her, if only to tell her I’m back, although that’s barely touching the surface. We need

  to talk. I need to talk. So much has happened in such a short time, I have to confide in someone before

  my head explodes. I press Speed-dial 2 and she picks up on the second ring.

  “Hey, if it isn’t my ex-best friend …”

  “Hi Char, I’m back!”

  “Great! And where’s the Billion Dollar Man? Is he there?”

  “No, he’s flown out to Hong Kong for a business meeting.”

  “And he didn’t invite you to go with? Bastard!”

  If only she knew. “He did invite me but I think I would only have been in the way. He’s got a lot on

  his plate at the moment. The last thing he needs is to babysit me.”

  “Sounds like fun to me.”

  “Maybe next time. Anyway, the reason I’m calling is to invite you over to help me sort out a photo

  album. Are you free tonight?”

  “Saturday night honey! What do you think?”

  “I think you are …” I smile into the phone.

  “Then you’d be right.” We laugh at the banality of it. She continues. “But I’ll warn you now, I may

  be a little distracted. I’ve my new personal trainer coming around tomorrow morning at 9 a.m to, how

  should I put it, give me a work-out.

  I try to stifle laughter. “Oh really, and does he know?”

  “Not yet, hon, but I’m hoping he’s got some brains to go with all that brawn or it’s going to be a

  friggin’ long morning.”

  Our laughter fades. “Okay then, it’s five o’clock now. Why don’t you come over in an hour and

  we’ll have a couple of drinks. I’ll throw some Chinese food in the microwave and we’ll have a catch-

  up.
”

  “Yippee! Does that mean I get to hear all the sordid details?”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that ....” I can’t possibly tell her or anyone else what we’ve been up to.

  Why? Firstly, I’d be too embarrassed and secondly, Charlie wouldn’t believe a word of it. She once

  told me that compared to her I’m a twenty first century ingénue. That is most certainly not the case

  now.

  “I hope you’re playing hard to get because you know I’ll badger you until you give in?”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” I admit cheerfully. “I’m going to have a quick soak and then

  we’ll get started on the photographs.”

  “Fine. What’s with the bath?” Now she’s being mischievous.

  I smile to myself. “No reason. Just thought I might like to pamper myself, that’s all.”

  “That’s choice, coming from someone who didn’t even bother to shave her legs a fortnight ago.

  Nothing to do with you being involved in a shag-fest then?”

  I can’t help but laugh. “You have a dirty mind Charlie.”

  “But I’m right though. You’re playing it way too cool. He must be good in bed or you’d be

  complaining right off the bat and I’d be saying I told you so.”

  “Oh, I have nothing to complain about in the bedroom department ...”

  “That’s because you haven’t anyone to compare him to.”

  If only she knew. “Do you think we can have this conversation when you get here? I’ve got a bath to

  run.”

  “Sure. You go soak your genitalia and I’ll bring champagne.” I can hear her laughing at her own

  joke.

  “What’s the occasion?”

  “I’m not going to tell you now, am I? That would ruin the surprise and you know how I love

  surprises.” She draws out the word ‘love’ for effect.

  “I do.” I pause, “I have a surprise of my own too.”

  “What is it?”

  “I’m not saying. I’ll see you when you get here.”

  “OK. See you soon honey.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  I’m debating whether to run my bath or download the photos from my memory stick. There’s one

  specific photograph I really want to check out. The one Ayden paused on and quickly removed when I

  appeared behind him. My bath can wait.